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Halloween Jokes

After having a laugh, check out our collection of Halloween Games.

For more holiday fun, visit our main Halloween page and learn about the history of Halloween. Find fun activities like Halloween videos and Halloween coloring pages.
Q: What's a monster's favorite play?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet!

Q: What's a haunted chicken?
A: A poultry-geist!

Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray!

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi!

Q: Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A: Because everyone was a goblin!

Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
A: Rap music.

Q: Why didn't the mummy have any friends?
A: Because he was wrapped up in himself!

Q: What road has the most ghosts haunting it?
A: A dead end!

Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in!

Q: What do ghosts eat on Halloween?
A: Ghoulash!

Q: Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A: MaliBOO!

Q: What does a bird say at Halloween?
A: "Twick or tweet."

Q: Where do ghosts go when they're sick?
A: To the witch doctor!

Q: What position does a ghost play in soccer?
A: Ghoulie!

Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein!

Q: What room is useless for a ghost?
A: A living room!

Q: Why don't bats live alone?
A: They like to hang out with their friends!

Q: What animal is good at cricket?
A: A bat!

Q: What do little monsters eat?
A: Alpha-bat soup!

Q: What do ghosts use to clean their hair?
A: Sham-boo!

Q: Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A: A scare center!

Q: What key opens a Haunted House?
A: A spooKEY!

Q: Why didn't Dracula have any friends?
A: He was a pain in the neck!

Q: Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend.

Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!

Q: What breed of dog does Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound!

Q: What's big, scary, and has three wheels?
A: A monster riding a tricycle!

Q: Which witch is good when it's dark?
A: A lights-witch!

Q: What's the best way to talk to a monster?
A: From afar!

Q: What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A: Fang mail.

Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A: His transparents.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A: Lazy bones!

Q: What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: "Spook when you're spooken to."

Q: What do you do with a green monster?
A: Wait until he's ripe!

Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service!

Q: What animal is best at baseball?
A: A bat!

Q: Which circus performers can see in the dark?
A: The acro-bats!

Q: Where should a 500 pound monster go?
A: On a diet!

Q: Why didn't the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten!

Q: Why did the cyclops stop teaching?
A: Because he only had one pupil!

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there!

Q: What did Dracula say about his girlfriend?
A: It was love at first bite!

Q: Why did the vampire flunk art class?
A: Because he could only draw blood!

Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A: A blood test!

Q: What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
A: A nectarine.

Q: What pants do ghosts wear?
A: BOO jeans.

Q: What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A: A mop.

Q: Why did the mummy get a headache?
A: Because he was GOBLIN his candy!

Q: Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A: The BOO-hamas!

Q: What is the problem with two twin witches?
A: You never know which witch is which!

Q: What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?
A: A chicken sand witch.

Q: What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?
A: A pumpkin patch.

Q: Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A: Because you can see right through him.

Q: Who won the zombie war?
A: Nobody, it was dead even.

Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
A: Fish and ships!

Q: What did the skeleton order for dinner?
A: Spare ribs!

Q: What's a monster's favorite place to swim?
A: Lake Eerie!

Q: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A: Tickle her funny bone!

Q: Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the guts.

Q: What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?
A: A wide scream TV.

Q: What school subject is a witch good at?
A: Spelling.

Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A: "Watch the board and I'll go through it again."

Q: Why did Dracula go to the library?
A: He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!

Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A: I scream.

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away her W.

Q: Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A: Because he wanted to get some muscles!

Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare!

Q: Where does Dracula keep his money?
A: In a blood bank!

Q: What do witches put on their bagels?
A: Scream cheese!

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out standing in his field!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A: Because he had no body to go with.

Q: What did the jack-o'-lantern say to the other jack-o'-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A: "Let's get glowing."

Q: What monster wears the most clothes?
A: A werewolf!

Q: What do skeletons say before they start to eat?
A: Bone appetite.

Q: Why do witches fly on brooms?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q: What do you call witches who live together?
A: Broom-mates!

Q: Why are graveyards noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin!

Q: What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?
A: Straw-berries!

More Halloween

  • Halloween
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  • Halloween History
  • When is Halloween?
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