Q: Name the child's favorite Christmas king?
A: A stocking.
Q: Why can't the Christmas tree stand up?
A: It doesn't have legs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Q: What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A: A Christmas Quacker.
Q: What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A: Santa Pause!
Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
Q: How do you scare a snowman?
A: You get a hairdryer!
Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing, it was on the house!
Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: A puddle!
Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?
A: So he can go HOE HOE HOE.
Q: What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Kringle!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: Santa covered with chimney soot.
Q: Why is Santa so good at karate?
A: Because he has a black belt!
Q: What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A: A humbug.
Q: What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
Q: What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A: Nothing, reindeer can't talk.
Q: What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
Q: Which elf was the best singer?
A: ELFis Presley!
Q: How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A: You can sense his presents.
Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A: "Looks like rain, dear."
Q: Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: Because he wanted to sleep like a log!
Q: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
A: Silent Night.
Q: How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
A: "Holly" wood!
Q: Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
A: Because of all the wrapping!
Q: What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?
A: A "pointsetter"!
Q: What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?
A: Merry Christmas to ewe!
Q: Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?
A: So you can say "Merry Crispness"!
Q: A Christmas thought:
A: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
Q: What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?
A: Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!
Q: What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?
A: Your teeth!
Q: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A: A cookie sheet!
Q: What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
A: Jingle smells!
Q: Where would you find chili beans?
A: At the North Pole!
Q: What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A: A porcupine!
Q: What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked?
A: A polar bare!
Q: What did one angel say to the other angel?
A: Halo there!
Q: Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
A: At a Ho-ho-tel!
Q: What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
A: Sandy Claws!
Q: What do you call Santa when he has no money?
A: Saint "Nickel"-less!
Q: Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
A: Because the presents won't take themselves!
Q: Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
A: The North Poll!
Q: What goes oh, oh, oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards!
Q: What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Q: Why is Prancer always wet?
A: Because he's a "rain"-deer!
Q: Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Q: Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
Q: How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
A: He looks at his calen-"deer"!
Q: Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
A: Because they look silly in snowsuits!
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer also works as a maid?
A: Yup! Comet cleans sinks!
Q: Where do the reindeer like to stop for lunch?
A: "Deery" Queen!
Q: How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!
Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
Q: What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
Q: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Hanna. … Hanna who?
A: Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
Q: How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
A: He was hooked on trees his whole life.
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Avery. … Avery who?
A: Avery Merry Christmas!
Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Alaska. … Alaska who?
A: Alaska Santa for a new bike!
Q: Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?
A: Because he had the drum sticks!
Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Donut. … Donut who?
A: Donut open 'til Christmas!
Q: What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
A: He had no body to go with.
Q: What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!
Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas?
A: Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!
Q: What kind of Christmas candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
A: Neither, candles always burn shorter.
Q: What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
A: The letter "Y".
Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling crummy.
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve.
Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A: Thanks, I'll never part with it.
Q: If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one?
A: At a retail store.
Q: What happened to the guy who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas?
A: He got 12 months.
Q: Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Q: Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
A: They both drop their needles.
Q: What did the reindeer say before beginning his comedy routine?
A: This will sleigh you!
Q: Why is the turkey such a fashionable bird?
A: Because he's always well dressed when he comes to dinner.
Q: How did Scrooge win the football game?
A: The ghost of Christmas passed.
Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A: A broken drum - you can't beat it!
Q: Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soots him.
Q: What do you call an ELF who sings?
A: A Wrapper.
Q: Why does Scrooge love reindeer?
A: Because every buck is deer to him.