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Christmas Jokes

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Enjoy our collection of Christmas jokes, riddles and one-liners. After having a laugh, check out our Christmas Games section.

For more holiday fun, visit our main Christmas page and learn about the history of Christmas. Find fun activities like Christmas videos, postcards, and Christmas coloring pages.
Q: Name the child's favorite Christmas king?
A: A stocking.

Q: Why can't the Christmas tree stand up?
A: It doesn't have legs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite!

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A: A Christmas Quacker.

Q: What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A: Santa Pause!

Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.

Q: How do you scare a snowman?
A: You get a hairdryer!

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing, it was on the house!

Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: A puddle!

Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?
A: So he can go HOE HOE HOE.

Q: What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Kringle!

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: Santa covered with chimney soot.

Q: Why is Santa so good at karate?
A: Because he has a black belt!

Q: What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A: A humbug.

Q: What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinsilitis!

Q: What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A: Nothing, reindeer can't talk.

Q: What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A: Pineapple.

Q: Which elf was the best singer?
A: ELFis Presley!

Q: How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A: You can sense his presents.

Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A: "Looks like rain, dear."

Q: Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A: Santa Jaws!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

Q: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
A: Silent Night.

Q: How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
A: Fleece Navidad!

Q: Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
A: "Holly" wood!

Q: Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
A: Because of all the wrapping!

Q: What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?
A: A "pointsetter"!

Q: What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?
A: Merry Christmas to ewe!

Q: Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?
A: So you can say "Merry Crispness"!

Q: A Christmas thought:
A: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

Q: What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?
A: Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!

Q: What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?
A: Your teeth!

Q: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A: A cookie sheet!

Q: What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
A: Jingle smells!

Q: Where would you find chili beans?
A: At the North Pole!

Q: What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A: A porcupine!

Q: What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked?
A: A polar bare!

Q: What did one angel say to the other angel?
A: Halo there!

Q: Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
A: At a Ho-ho-tel!

Q: What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
A: Sandy Claws!

Q: What do you call Santa when he has no money?
A: Saint "Nickel"-less!

Q: Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
A: Because the presents won't take themselves!

Q: Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
A: The North Poll!

Q: What goes oh, oh, oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards!

Q: What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
A: Claustrophobic!

Q: Why is Prancer always wet?
A: Because he's a "rain"-deer!

Q: Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet!

Q: Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A: "Rude"-olph!

Q: How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
A: He looks at his calen-"deer"!

Q: Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
A: Because they look silly in snowsuits!

Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer also works as a maid?
A: Yup! Comet cleans sinks!

Q: Where do the reindeer like to stop for lunch?
A: "Deery" Queen!

Q: How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!

Q: What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?
A: "Elk"-a-seltzer!

Q: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!

Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Hanna. … Hanna who?
A: Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

Q: How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
A: He was hooked on trees his whole life.

Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"

Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Avery. … Avery who?
A: Avery Merry Christmas!

Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Alaska. … Alaska who?
A: Alaska Santa for a new bike!

Q: Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?
A: Because he had the drum sticks!

Q: Knock Knock. … Who's there? … Donut. … Donut who?
A: Donut open 'til Christmas!

Q: What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
A: He had no body to go with.

Q: What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!

Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas?
A: Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!

Q: What kind of Christmas candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
A: Neither, candles always burn shorter.

Q: What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
A: The letter "Y".

Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling crummy.

Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve.

Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A: Thanks, I'll never part with it.

Q: If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one?
A: At a retail store.

Q: What happened to the guy who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas?
A: He got 12 months.

Q: Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.

Q: Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
A: They both drop their needles.

Q: What did the reindeer say before beginning his comedy routine?
A: This will sleigh you!

Q: Why is the turkey such a fashionable bird?
A: Because he's always well dressed when he comes to dinner.

Q: How did Scrooge win the football game?
A: The ghost of Christmas passed.

Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A: A broken drum - you can't beat it!

Q: Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soots him.

Q: What do you call an ELF who sings?
A: A Wrapper.

Q: Why does Scrooge love reindeer?
A: Because every buck is deer to him.

More Christmas

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  • Christmas History
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