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Presidents' Day Jokes

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Q: Which one of Washington's officers had the best sense of humor?
A: Laughayette!

Q: Why did they call Lincoln "Honest Abe"?
A: Because that's what it said on all his campaign buttons.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a whale with the first US president?
A: Large Washington!

Q: Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A: Because he couldn't lie.

Q: Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
A: At the chopping mall!

Q: What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A: Presidentures!

Q: What was General Washington's favorite tree?
A: The infantry!

Q: In what way was George Washington like a monster?
A: In no way, thankfully!

Q: What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?
A: George Washingtoon!

Q: Was General Washington a handsome man?
A: Yes, he was George-eous!

Q: What would George Washington be if he were alive today?
A: Really, really, really old!

Q: Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington?
A: He committed Valley Forgery!

Q: How did George Washington speak to his army?
A: In general terms!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth U.S. president?
A: Ape Lincoln!

Q: Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?
A: He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.

Q: What rock group has four guys who don't sing?
A: Mount Rushmore!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Washington's home with nasty insects?
A: Mt. Vermin!

Q: What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
A: The Fodder of Our Country!

Q: What was Thomas Jefferson's favorite dessert?
A: Monti jello!

Q: Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?"
A: Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's son."

Q: What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?
A: Babe Lincoln!

Q: How did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil?
A: After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!

Q: Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"
A: Student: "No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!"

Q: Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?
A: To keep his head warm!

Q: What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?
A: Abraham Stincoln!

Q: Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?
A: Because it was too cold to be born outside!

Q: Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?
A: They're both on the (s)cent!

Q: If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get?
A: George Squashington!

Q: What did Washington ask as he crossed the Delaware?
A: "How much did the reserved seats cost?"

Q: Why did George Washington put a chicken on guard duty?
A: He wanted to have "chicken catch a Tory."

Q: What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
A: One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.

Q: Teacher: "Why did Washington chop down the cherry tree with a hatchet?"
A: Student: "Because he couldn't find the chain saw."

Q: Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?
A: He didn't want any Bushes at the White House.

Q: What was the most popular dance in 1776?
A: Indepen-dance.

Q: If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
A: Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.

Q: What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?
A: They licked the British.

Q: Why was George Washington buried standing up?
A: Because he never lied.

Q: Where was the Declaration Of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom.

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