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Presidents' Day Jokes

After having a laugh, check out our collection of Presidents' Day Games. Find free printable Presidents' Day coloring pages.
Q: Which one of Washington's officers had the best sense of humor?
A: Laughayette!

Q: Why did they call Lincoln "Honest Abe"?
A: Because that's what it said on all his campaign buttons.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a whale with the first US president?
A: Large Washington!

Q: Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A: Because he couldn't lie.

Q: Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
A: At the chopping mall!

Q: What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A: Presidentures!

Q: What was General Washington's favorite tree?
A: The infantry!

Q: In what way was George Washington like a monster?
A: In no way, thankfully!

Q: What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?
A: George Washingtoon!

Q: Was General Washington a handsome man?
A: Yes, he was George-eous!

Q: What would George Washington be if he were alive today?
A: Really, really, really old!

Q: Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington?
A: He committed Valley Forgery!

Q: How did George Washington speak to his army?
A: In general terms!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth U.S. president?
A: Ape Lincoln!

Q: Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?
A: He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.

Q: What rock group has four guys who don't sing?
A: Mount Rushmore!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Washington's home with nasty insects?
A: Mt. Vermin!

Q: What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
A: The Fodder of Our Country!

Q: What was Thomas Jefferson's favorite dessert?
A: Monti jello!

Q: Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?"
A: Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's son."

Q: What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?
A: Babe Lincoln!

Q: How did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil?
A: After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!

Q: Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"
A: Student: "No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!"

Q: Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?
A: To keep his head warm!

Q: What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?
A: Abraham Stincoln!

Q: Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?
A: Because it was too cold to be born outside!

Q: Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?
A: They're both on the (s)cent!

Q: If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get?
A: George Squashington!

Q: What did Washington ask as he crossed the Delaware?
A: "How much did the reserved seats cost?"

Q: Why did George Washington put a chicken on guard duty?
A: He wanted to have "chicken catch a Tory."

Q: What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
A: One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.

Q: Teacher: "Why did Washington chop down the cherry tree with a hatchet?"
A: Student: "Because he couldn't find the chain saw."

Q: Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?
A: He didn't want any Bushes at the White House.

Q: What was the most popular dance in 1776?
A: Indepen-dance.

Q: If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
A: Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.

Q: What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?
A: They licked the British.

Q: Why was George Washington buried standing up?
A: Because he never lied.

Q: Where was the Declaration Of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom.

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Seal Of The President Drag & Drop Puzzle

Unscramble the pieces to make a picture of the Seal of the President of the United States of America.

US Presidents Word Search

Find the last names of Presidents hidden in this word search puzzle.

White House Jigsaw Puzzle

Put together the pieces in this White House jigsaw puzzle.

Name That President

Can you name that President?

Lincoln Slide Puzzle

Unscramble the pieces to make a picture of Abraham Lincoln.

Washington Slide Puzzle

Unscramble the pieces to make a picture of George Washington.